Bombay Trip-1

(This is a weak translation of my original malayalam post)


I, my wife antlion, our daughter ant, and our family friend Vineeta went for a Bombay trip last Christmas.

Antlion and Vineeta's friend's sister was getting married which was the occasion. But the trip was also meant to be a sight-seeing one. So antlion got the list of places to vist and I procured a map of the metro city.

Antlion and Vineeta decided that we need to fly both ways, and booked tickets without consulting me. After watching the Air Crash Investigation series in National Geographic channel, I am very afraid of air travel.

When I told this at home, ant catagorically announced: "Father, I love to fly!"

She is just four and a half years old, but has already done several air travels. I had my first flight after my marriage when antlion forced me into agreeing that we have to have a honeymoon and that we should travel by air.

Anyway, without giving enough time to sleep on a Christmas morning, Vineeta reached our apartment in a taxi and called us. Immediately, Antlion and ant ran down. I was to take the 2 bags, lock the flat and join them.

But then I realised that the door was not locking. The lock was not going inside. I tried with all my might, still it won't budge. I was perplexed. Was God indicating I cancel this trip?

Antlion and ant called me from the cab impatiently.

"What are you doing there? Can't you come down?"

I was helpless, listening to her telling Vineeta in the background: "This man is incapable of taking 2 bags. See how fast I reached with ant in the lift?"

"Hey this lock is not sliding in place"

"So?"

"Then how can I lock the door?"

"Oh.. may be some lizard is stuck inside. Remove it and lock the door"

"I feel like crying.."

"Hey, I did not ask you to use your fingers to remove it. Why don't you use that pen which you carry with you always, pretending to write blog posts? At least, let it come handy this way..."

Without waiting to listen more, I went inside, fetched a screwdriver, and removed a whole lot of newspaper scraps. Ant's mischief!

While Ant, Antlion and Vineeta sat on one side of the aisle in the plane, I sat alone on the other. I was sweating. Strange uncomfortable noises were around me when the plane started moving. And then one more voice floated from behind..

"Some burning smell is coming...?"

I wore my seatbelt, trying to convince myself that whatever were shown on Air Crash Investigation were lies.

The plane rose into air. I was tightly holding myself. Suddenly I felt weightless. My God! Is the plane falling? It has actually slanted to one side! Oh, it is trying to negotiate a curve.

I again wore my seatbelt when pilot announced his sincere efforts to land the plane in Bombay. A new noise greeted me - that of a fan reluctantly starting. Krr........Krrr......Krr....krr..krr..krr.krr.krr...

The plane landed at 2 pm in Bombay. We had not had much breakfast in the morning. Now we need to reach the bride's house at the earliest. Lunch is arranged there.

But no use planning that way! The luggage took 35 minutes to come. Who knows why?

Vineeta reached the pre-paid taxi counter first. Hindi is her mothertongue. So the trip from here on is her responsibility.

"Madam, a/c or non-a/c?"

Chithal is part of the gang. No concessions allowed. "non-a/c will do"

The taxi stand was filled with old Premier Padminis.

We got into one. Stuffed the luggage into the boot and tried to close it. It won't close!

"Sir, don't worry. I will tie it"

With whatever confidence that an ordinary packing tape could give us, we bound the boot and set off at a fast pace of about 20-25 kmph.

Very soon we realised one thing - Padmini aunty moves like a duck! She swings to either sides while travelling!

Slowly we reached a traffic signal. It was showing red. Lots of time left. The driver switched off the car.

The light turned green sooner than expected. And the fun started.

Car would not turn on.

Other cars came up from behind and started barking. The driver jumped out and pushed the car. 2-3 vehicles brushed past us at dangerous proximity. When the car attained a little speed, the driver jumped back in and tried to start the car. No improvement.

"Sir, can we both push?"

Thus, my first accomplishment on reaching Bombay in an airplane, was to push an ancient Premier Padmini.

After pushing for half a kilometer, I realised that the car is dead. It would be wiser to cremate it.

Before I could tell this to the driver, he spoke to me.

"Shall I get you another taxi sir?"

"Get us a taxi with good ropes to hold the luggage"

Another Padmini parked near us. Not satisfied checking the car's working condition by making the driver switch it off and on twice, I also made him promise upon his heart that he will not switch off the car at any traffic signal, no matter how long the wait is. I also told him to collect the money from the old driver.

Feeling content that with my limited Hindi, I was able to tell the old driver "gaadi achchi nahi hai," I leaned back in my seat. I chose to ignore the protests of my empty stomach.

Elite family

(This is a translation of my first malayalam blog post. A satire written years back when Govt steeply hiked the fuel prices.)

Traffic constable Gopi Pillai slid nearer to the sub-inspector. SI is a new chap. A seasoned guy like himself should be of aid always.


“Sir…..”

SI turned. “Yes, Gopi Pillai?”

“Sir, leave that young guy alone. He seems to be from some well-to-do family”

Though SI was new in the police service, he had enough wisdom to listen to the experience of Gopi Pillai.

“Why, do you know him, Gopi Pillai?”

“Oh, I hardly know him, sir. But don’t you see his fuel indicator shows a full tank? Enough to show the wealth of his family. Better to let him go without further fuss, sir. We can avoid a scene…”